A Good Man

     I remember back when I was in Middle school the teacher asking everyone "What do you want to be when you grow up"? Despite trying to call out many ideas i really didn't know. As I grew and advanced to high school and Junior college I still did not know what I eventually wanted to be. Through the years I worked fast food, deliveries, security guard, car sales and eventually signed up with the Navy (Submarine Duty). However, around my thirties, I realized that all these jobs and career moves were just jobs and distractions. Around the time I found my spiritual calling as a Buddhist I realized that what I really wanted to be was 'A GOOD MAN'.

    For over Twenty years now I have struggled to live up to the idea of a good man. The problem I found is we all have ways of convincing ourselves that what we do or have done is justified. trying to live with our actions without ever feeling guilt. I know that I have made bad decisions in the past and although none of them are horrific (like Murder, Emotional Abuse, Physical abuse... etc) I still feel the guilt in some way and will always strive to be better to, hopefully, overcome any negative Karma I may have caused. I will always believe in second chances and never judged someone by who or what they were. I mean would you deny a person the Nobel Prize for Curing Cancer just because you discovered that when they were 10 they were a bully?

    The judgement of whether I am a good man is not necessarily a title I can give myself. The greatest fear to anyone who wants to be a Good Man is that secretly they really aren't. We can all believe that in certain circumstances we would act appropriately. I would like to believe that I would run into a burning building to save others, that I would place myself as a shield to protect someone from gunfire, that I would fall on a live grenade if it would save others or that I would stand up to someone bullying others. These are all noble actions but they also show a truth about oneself. I can believe that I would do these actions but most find that when in those situations the true self takes over. So that is my greatest fear that given the right opportunity to think and act for others that I would fail.

    To continue on my path of being a good man I developed my CODE (or code of conduct) and I highly recommend to anyone who strives to be be something better to develop your own:

"Never give up, Never give in,

Never Cowardly or Cruel,

Don’t acquiesce to the Bully,

Feed the Gold Dragon,

Remember the Way,

and NEVER,

let them see you Bleed!"

Its not about you!!!

 I look back and realize it has been Two years since my last post. It's not as if I hadn't had any thoughts since then I think it is because every time I have one I don't feel so confident talking about it out loud. But as I grow older I find I no longer care how others feel about my thoughts. Whether I am right or wrong or you feel I am right or wrong does not sway who I am any longer. I have no intention of posting these ideas to any public forum (at the moment at least), I just need to say these ideas out loud. Unlike most people I see posting who want to be heard and agreed with, I don't see the need. WHY you may ask, well because I find that its no longer about Me or You. I am here, or not, and the world will continue to spin, the sun will continue to rise and people will continue to do whatever they want anyway. I also find that once something gets openly spoken about it just opens up hundreds of negative feedback. Is there really nothing truly positive out there any longer or do we just have too many people that that cant stand by without tearing down the world a little at a time. I choose to take myself out of this cycle because it appears broken. I can think, I can observe and I can act. If I see something I like there is no need for me agree (publicly) because good is good and truth is truth and my voice can not change that and doesn't need my approval. Alternately if it is wrong or evil, again my voice wont change it because good is good and truth is truth and arguing or disagreeing (publicly) only feeds the dark beasts and rarely will affect their beliefs ort statements so I ignore (my super power) and move on. I would like to see the world, or even people, act or evolve a certain way but then...  It's not about Me is it?