Divorce

 Not as dramatic as the title suggests, although I have gone through 3 Divorces in my life so far. Today I took a stand against a growing concern I have observed for quite some time.

I do enjoy technology.  Years ago I decided to splurge on an Amazon Echo Show. A handy device that offers all the functionality of an Echo Dot (the ability to ask Alexa anything) with the added feature of a 10 inch screen that has a multitude of visible display options and includes a video camera (for video calls).  I don't need or want an imagined digital assistant to tell and show me all things in my life like reminders, messages and a thousand ideas. My desires were basic and all I wanted was a 10 inch display that shows the time with my personal favorite wallpaper images. Nothing more. Occasionally I might ask a few basic questions (like todays weather) or have it read my audio book before bed.

We all know that our devices are reading or listening to us, algorithms are compiling data to send out to thousands of clients who pay to know what we talk about or mention all in an effort to sell us more stuff.  What we have is not good enough for anyone because we can always buy more. Marketing teams are just compiling more and more stuff for us to buy. If people spent a tenth of the time trying to produce quality or necessary items for people as they do just trying to sell we might have a better society someday. However, this is not the HUMAN way.  As much as I tried to stop it, my Echo Show consistently continued to audibly add suggestions to questions I asked or, more importantly, displayed products to buy. Even after going into the settings and turning off ALL the suggestion topics (and there are a lot of them) the display rarely showed what I wanted to see when I looked at it. The marketing department just has to have their plugs into everything we buy because we NEED to buy more.

After a 2 am argument with my Alexa, it ended up unplugged and on the floor. I am officially divorcing you and putting you on notice. Today my new digital clock sits where she used to. I cant fight this greedy system any longer but as I have learned the only way to win is NOT TO PLAY. As useful as Alexa, or Google Home or etc is I don't see it that useful if I have to live in your world. I would like to say that I was going to cut myself off from Amazon completely but currently that is not an option, however tomorrow I will be spending less. Time to start to get back to a simpler life.

Understanding our Emotions

 As a Buddhist I have evaluated many aspects of the human condition that drive us to who we are. Buddhism tells us that all pain is cause by selfish craving. If you consider that all our pain comes from the loss of items or people we crave this has a lot of validity.

When I evaluate all of our emotions I realize there are positive and negative emotions. Positive emotions exist like happiness, love and amusement. Negative emotions exist lise anger, guilt and sadness. I am not suggesting we live without emotions like those of the sci-fi community who love Spock the Vulcan. Even though there are negative emotions they do have a function in our day-to-day function. However I believe that there are 3 negative emotions that, if left unchecked, are incredible dangerous to us.

The 3 worst emotions we live with are jealousy, anger and fear. Fear is necessary for us to survive. Without fear we would walk into the fire. Never should we engage in anything dangerous without fear since it keeps us grounded and can keep us sharp. The problem is we give in too easily and people use fear to control us or sell us on poor ideas. How many times have we approved of a politicians actions because they inspired us with the FEAR of the alternative, or to buy a product based on the FEAR of how the competing products will kill us. Given the rising fear we give in to ideas that normally we would shy away from.

Anger also has its uses because it can give us strength to do something we would normally be too afraid to do. The problem is we let anger take over and lose all wisdom and go into a frenzy. No longer does wisdom or intelligence guide us. We may be stronger but now we are sloppy and reckless and even sometimes hurt those close to us in the process.

Lastly is jealousy. Truth is I see little positive benefit from jealousy and it can drive us to do many other levels of sadness or greed to acquire that which we are jealous of. Again we make so many bad or selfish decisions simply because we allowed jealousy to drive us.

In the end, whatever type of person you are or want to be we should be doing our best to just improve. Understanding the negative impacts of some of our drives can help us improve. Don't allow Fear, Anger or Jealousy make you less then who you are or could be.

Where are you going with this?

     Over the last year I have been isolating myself from the News and, more importantly, social media. As I listen to everyone around me they are sounding angrier and angrier on a daily basis and it does not feel like anything is getting better. The real problem is its not because of a single issue, like who to vote for the president or which football team will win the Superbowl. What I see is hundreds of issues and hundreds of conspiracies that everyone is fighting/arguing about. As I have no desire to be apart of any of these arguments (why be apart of them when everyone is yelling and NO ONE is listening) I just sit back and observe. I guess that is why I have become more recluse to the outside world while home alone with my dogs, because they NEVER go insane and will always be who they were meant to be.

     So I have one question for those of you so passionate about whatever you believe and are fighting/arguing for: Where are you going with this?

    One thing I have observed is everyone is getting worse with their words/acquisitions and beliefs but no one is really saying what they want to fix it. The arguments feel, to me, like something extreme is the only thing that will appeal you all and extreme actions are never good for anyone. Maybe you just like being angry or upset or need to blame others, I cannot say. I am just glad every time I take my dogs out for a walk that the world around me is still there and continuing on but I don't expect this to last. Someday I will see it all go too hell (assuming I am alive to see it) and I will not be surprised. I cant fix you, I can only fix me.

A Good Man

     I remember back when I was in Middle school the teacher asking everyone "What do you want to be when you grow up"? Despite trying to call out many ideas i really didn't know. As I grew and advanced to high school and Junior college I still did not know what I eventually wanted to be. Through the years I worked fast food, deliveries, security guard, car sales and eventually signed up with the Navy (Submarine Duty). However, around my thirties, I realized that all these jobs and career moves were just jobs and distractions. Around the time I found my spiritual calling as a Buddhist I realized that what I really wanted to be was 'A GOOD MAN'.

    For over Twenty years now I have struggled to live up to the idea of a good man. The problem I found is we all have ways of convincing ourselves that what we do or have done is justified. trying to live with our actions without ever feeling guilt. I know that I have made bad decisions in the past and although none of them are horrific (like Murder, Emotional Abuse, Physical abuse... etc) I still feel the guilt in some way and will always strive to be better to, hopefully, overcome any negative Karma I may have caused. I will always believe in second chances and never judged someone by who or what they were. I mean would you deny a person the Nobel Prize for Curing Cancer just because you discovered that when they were 10 they were a bully?

    The judgement of whether I am a good man is not necessarily a title I can give myself. The greatest fear to anyone who wants to be a Good Man is that secretly they really aren't. We can all believe that in certain circumstances we would act appropriately. I would like to believe that I would run into a burning building to save others, that I would place myself as a shield to protect someone from gunfire, that I would fall on a live grenade if it would save others or that I would stand up to someone bullying others. These are all noble actions but they also show a truth about oneself. I can believe that I would do these actions but most find that when in those situations the true self takes over. So that is my greatest fear that given the right opportunity to think and act for others that I would fail.

    To continue on my path of being a good man I developed my CODE (or code of conduct) and I highly recommend to anyone who strives to be be something better to develop your own:

"Never give up, Never give in,

Never Cowardly or Cruel,

Don’t acquiesce to the Bully,

Feed the Gold Dragon,

Remember the Way,

and NEVER,

let them see you Bleed!"

Its not about you!!!

 I look back and realize it has been Two years since my last post. It's not as if I hadn't had any thoughts since then I think it is because every time I have one I don't feel so confident talking about it out loud. But as I grow older I find I no longer care how others feel about my thoughts. Whether I am right or wrong or you feel I am right or wrong does not sway who I am any longer. I have no intention of posting these ideas to any public forum (at the moment at least), I just need to say these ideas out loud. Unlike most people I see posting who want to be heard and agreed with, I don't see the need. WHY you may ask, well because I find that its no longer about Me or You. I am here, or not, and the world will continue to spin, the sun will continue to rise and people will continue to do whatever they want anyway. I also find that once something gets openly spoken about it just opens up hundreds of negative feedback. Is there really nothing truly positive out there any longer or do we just have too many people that that cant stand by without tearing down the world a little at a time. I choose to take myself out of this cycle because it appears broken. I can think, I can observe and I can act. If I see something I like there is no need for me agree (publicly) because good is good and truth is truth and my voice can not change that and doesn't need my approval. Alternately if it is wrong or evil, again my voice wont change it because good is good and truth is truth and arguing or disagreeing (publicly) only feeds the dark beasts and rarely will affect their beliefs ort statements so I ignore (my super power) and move on. I would like to see the world, or even people, act or evolve a certain way but then...  It's not about Me is it?

Is that fair?

      Ever since I was a child I have heard, or spoken, the statement "That's not fair!". It was only recently that I realized that this is subject to opinion. One problem we share is that everyone has an opinion and very few line up together. How can anything be determined as fair? A poor person feels its unfair that someone else has more then they do and yet a wealthy person feels its unfair to have to give money away to others (in the form of taxes, wages.. ect). So who is right? The truth is there is no guideline or rule of law anywhere that defines this concept. Politics and Religions do their best to define but even they come short.

    My suggestion would be to just let it go. If you can conceive of a concept like fairness then you can just as easily conceive of ways to feel better. It seems that money is mainly the source of fairness, but not the only, I have always said that there are only two ways to get wealthy, you can either earn more money or just want less. Lets face it, even the definition of wealthy can be subjective so if you own everything you want that would make you a wealthy person indeed.

Depression

I know it has been a while since my last post but this topic goes a long way is maybe describing why. I have lived with Depression, through ups and downs, for over 40 years. It is a topic that is very hard to explain, much like Love. Unless you experience it you cannot really describe it very effectively.

To be depressed is to live in a world where you cannot trust your own feelings. Like alcholism being able to identify that you are depressed is most of the battle. However, that battle is not an easy one. I have failed in so many relationships and to be honest to this day I am still unsure if it was me or them.

There are those who make depression their identity, as in they will describe thier condition and even write about it like that is who they are. Then there are those like me who try to maintain a daily routine (sometimes even concealing their condition). Believe it or not we live among you and our condition can be very mild to the clinically extreme.

I write to you now as a man who has had to rebuild his life several times. I keep my like in balance with social interations but even that can be fleeting. I see many organizations today trying to help depression with call centers and talk stations but talk is fleeting. Understand that we (The Depressed) live in a different world outside of yours and that which you take for granted is not as easy for us.